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HOME from the Wizard of Oz

I live my life with theme songs. One night while bawling my eyes out crying this song came up and sang by the main characters of Pose. A year ago, a woman I was dating took me to a training and I was asked if I can have anything, what would it be? My answer is I want a HOME. When D (my late wife) and I met face to face for the first time, I place my head on her shoulder and the first word that came out of my mouth was HOME. I found my HOME in D.

When I think of home, I think of a place where

There's love overflowing

I wish I was home, I wish I was back there

With the things I've been knowing

Wind that makes the tall trees bend into leaning

Suddenly the raindrops that fall have a meaning

Sprinklin' the scene, makes it all clean

When D passed all I can think of is finding a new home. Dating several women and trying to fit them in my vision of “new” home. Yes, expectations and disappointments because at this age it is not about starting a new home but sharing. These women I have dated already have established homes. They come in different decorations all reflecting their personalities. I had my own “apartment.” At this point, I wouldn’t call it a home. Thus the longing and the feeling of emptiness.

Maybe there's a chance for me to go back

Now that I have some direction

It would sure have been nice to be back home

Where there's love and affection

And just maybe I can convince time to slow up

Giving me enough time in my life to grow up

Time be my friend, let me start again

Going through various disappointments and feeling so much void. Running and spinning around trying to fill time. Getting sooo impatient, tired to the point of giving up and just wanting to isolate myself. Not knowing whether to continue to pursue or just let go.

Suddenly my world's gone and changed it's face

But I still know where I'm going

I have had my mind spun around in space

And yet I've watched it growing

And if you're listening God

Please don't make it hard to know

If we should believe the things that we see

Tell us should we run away

Should we try and stay?

Or would it be better just to let things be?

Finally, searching in me I found HOME, it was not in others, HOME is in me. The love provided by family and friends (old and new) is in my heart. I just have to look inside me…MY HOME! Welcome home Madzy.

Living here in this brand new world

Might be a fantasy

But it taught me to love

So it's real, real to me

And I've learned

That we must look inside our hearts

To find a world full of love

Like yours, like mine, like home